Let Me Walk.....

I was out eating recently with my family and caught myself people watching and observing as always. As I looked over, I saw an older child, around 8 or 9, begin to demand that his mother cut up his fries. This was not a situation where the child failed at any capacity to do this himself. Extenuating circumstances and other issues must always be taken into account but this was just not one of those as he later used his utensils correctly because dad told him to. Now, you may be asking, what is the problem with that? Well, as I could not help but watch by this point, mom graciously began cutting them up.

Let’s hit the rewind button here. First, the child demands of his mother. Second, she complied with the demand. Third, she actually cut his fries. If my 8 year old wants his fries cut, he will need to use the utensils that his mother and I helped him develop and learn how to use, and HE can cut them himself. Children are resilient little people, capable of so much more than we realize, including independence. The only problem is adults have a habit of stunting this part of development, without realizing how they can cripple what should be normal.

From getting their own water, getting dressed, or doing chores, each age brings with it a new aspect of discovery and self-exploration. Our jobs as parents is to help foster this independence in a way that is satisfying and safe for the child, boosting self-esteem. Does this mean that they get it right the first time? Of course not. Your job at that point is to keep pushing them along and support them as they make sense of the world around them; picking them up and dusting them off when they fail, only to allow them to fall again and again. Offer lots of praise as they will respond to the acknowledgement of their efforts. They will learn how, but parents doing the work for them does not enable them to become resilient, confident, or independent. This can cause major problems as they enter adulthood where expectations of independence are high.

So allow your child to test their independence and guide them along the way. It is important that they do not always succeed so they can figure out what happened and utilize their critical thinking. Same as a puzzle. It may take several times to get that piece just right, but in the end, we get it and the satisfaction of success is oh so sweet!

Todays' arent has 8 tips that are pretty good. You can read these here at: http://www.todaysparent.com/kids/teaching-kids-to-be-more-independent/